So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
