I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
