Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
