...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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