I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
