Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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