I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
