I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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