You really coming over, don't trick.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dignity is for republicans.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
