I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
