We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
