he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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