fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
