dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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