Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
