Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
