those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
