What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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