so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
