I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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