Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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