Jerry, you need to find god
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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