im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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