arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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