Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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