I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
