dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
accomplished twins. life is a go
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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