ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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