she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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