when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize