i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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