I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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