And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
