the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
