I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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