Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
