Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
