When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
