I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
