I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
