god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
