Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
