I wish my penis had an off switch
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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