I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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