Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
