i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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