you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
