I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
