yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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