I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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