Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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