dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize