party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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