maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My pussy is not your playground.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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