I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
