If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
