Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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