guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
