I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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