What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
