listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
