Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
