so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
