I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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