remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
