at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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