Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
