Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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