My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
