Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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