Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
