i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
