I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
