please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
