You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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