im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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