before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
apparently the secret to your success is patron
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
