Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
