you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
