hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
