I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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