Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
