I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He? As in you personified your dick?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
