at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize