Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize