she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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