Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
