I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
