i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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