I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize