woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
