just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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