She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
