Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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