erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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