Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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