Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
