So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
