Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
